Happy 2017 ! I hope that you all have a peaceful, serene, healthy and love filled 2017!!!!!
I haven’t written for the past few weeks. It was a very difficult holiday season however many things became very clear to me over the past weeks !!! I want to write every day; however when I sit down to write I get very emotional and I get blocked. Instead of trying to fight through it I get up and walk away. So tonight as I was thinking about what I really needed to write about I realized that the reason that I wanted to start a blog in the first place was because of my passion for working with drug addicts. Helping them change and become the person that they want to be deep down inside is truly a miracle. I used the word “passion”. Working with drug addicts IS my MAIN PASSION in life.
Since the closing of ASI I have been trying to figure out how I would get back into my work. ASI was the future for my four kids. We raised them watching us help addicts daily. As a result, they saw the good, bad and ugly of this disease. I had many addicts on my couch; in my home while my children were growing up. We taught them that addicts were sick people and the ones that we brought to our home were the ones who wanted to get better. Not all of them made it. Many of them stole from us. My kids got attached to many of them and they got hurt when the addict relapsed and abandoned them. ASI became a part of my children as well. They all knew that ASI would be their home and their livlihood, just as it was from the beginning of their lives. They went on to College and majored in Psychology. They went on to do trainings and go to meetings and listen. While they were fortunate enough to travel and chase some of their dreams, they knew deep down that they would end up running, working and living ASI just as they had all of their lives and just as they saw their parents do every day of their life.
It was pulled out from under them. Probably one of the saddest things one could watch and experience. I have never been given an answer as to why, after 20 years, there had to be that kind of ending. Nobody has ever answered why ASI could not have continued with other owners. So in the meantime, we are struggling as a family to make it daily. Sean and I both were unable to collect unemployment. We have been selling our possessions in order to live. As you know, Sean has been battling cancer…..he has no health insurance. We are bogged down with medical bills. My children were not making enough money to take care of us, our house payment, our car payment, etc….. I’m putting it all out there because each day I try to grasp at ANYTHING and it is always the same……..there is nothing there. As I am sure you all know, ASI was a lucrative business. Making an income on this disease has always been a struggle for me. I did the best I could to deal with that struggle by giving as much as I possibly could to whoever was in need and could not afford to pay. I can feel that many of the people who do not like me are taking great pleasure in my pain and probably think I deserve this on some level. There have been so many people who have lied to the FBI; disgruntled employees, jealous, envious people who live in hate of others. So many false accusations, so many untrue newspaper articles. I don’t know that I would wish what we are going through on my very worst enemy.
I get on my knees in the morning and at night. Now more than ever. I never imagined going from having everything to having nothing. I am trying diligently to get something set up for my family so that they may have an income. I am most likely going away in June for a period of time. I want them to be able to survive. The only work I know is helping addicts. My family operates as a close unit, borderline “codependent”. haha
We are presently holding each other up. I had a friend say to me, “Roz, put a status on Facebook or send a flier out and ask everyone who you have ever helped for $25.00 or whatever they want to donate…….” I can’t do that. I don’t know how to do that. I’m going to continue to pray as I have been doing for the past 32 years. I have a God who is loving, caring and who has helped me get through every storm I’ve ever been through since I was 10 years old.
We will get a break. We will get a miracle. Something phenomenal will happen and God will be there helping us to put our lives back together. I want to thank all of you who have loved me unconditionally. Whether you are clean or struggling to get clean. Somebody always has it worse than I do. I still get phone calls to help addicts who are struggling……thank God for those phone calls. They keep my spirit alive. Please pray for me and for my family. I need many many prayers and I KNOW they work. God listens to prayer and God helps those who help themselves. I have been asking for a financial miracle. I learned that it is okay to do that. I would have never imagined that at 33 years clean and four children later that I would have achieved my dream and had it yanked out from under me at age 62.
I have been approached by some people to participate in something called FUND MY CAUSE. I am in the process of researching it and I am in hopes of it assisting me with a way to help addicts get clean and a way for me to continue with my PASSION. I am asking that you be on the look out for this in my next blog. I am really in need of your support in order to make this happen. Please continue to read and support my blog. I really need your help.
Thank all of you who have been there for me……..please continue praying for the addicts and family members of the addicts who are still suffering, both clean and struggling to get clean.