Sept.7 – 14
So let me tell all of you that what I experienced this first week at FPC was NOT what I expected it to be ! I got dropped off by Barb, Harry and my hubby Sean. I hugged everyone and got in the truck with the guard. I then went to the Admissions Building! Oh God I met such an unhappy young woman! She was NOT a Happy Camper! haha I asked her questions and she “grunted”…..”Strip down, bend over, cough three times hard”……….that was the first time I could understand her GRUNTS !! She proceeded to ask me to hand her my glasses. She said,”These are PRADA. They are entirely too expensive to have here.” I told her to give them to me because I’m BLIND !
I was put in the “busstop” which is for inmates who are brand new” or inmnates who have disciplinary problems! What a perfect mix !! In other words, they mix new people who are scared to death with people who are ANGRY as hell !!! These two groups reside together for approx. two weeks or more before they are given a cubicle for two people. The cubicle has two inmates, two lockers; a desk; a bulletin and a bunk bed. Amazingly enough, the inmates are very kind, very helpful and considerate. HOWEVER, I DID get into an altercation….well, TWO altercations !! haha The little girl in the bunk next to me decided to tell me that I needed to make my bed and sweep up after myself!!! Hmmmmm….well my head was in my locker when it finally hit me………..”no she didn’t…..is she kidding?” I SLAMMED MY LOCKER DOOR and looked at her and I said, “You need to stop with that mouth and that attitude. I don’t know what your momma taught you about respecting your elders but obviously you can start with me!!!”
Two days later, the young girl on my top bunk called me over. I could see by the look on her face that she wanted to say something that I wasn’t going to LIKE ! She proceeded to tell me that my shoes needed LINED UP under my bed…..” I said, “Do I have a sign on my chest that says, ‘Come abuse me ? If you see that sign there, just ignore it and keep walking…..’ I said it very loud..and i also received a TON OF SUPPORT !! hahaha
This place is full of addicts !!! The majority of charges are drug charges. There are 1000 inmates. 900 drug charges.They offer a program called “RDAP”—-Residential Drug & Alcohol Program! People are on a waiting list to get in.It is cognitive behavioral therapy…….it teaches addicts to say NO. Like Nancy Reagan tried to do !!!!! Nancy tried to teach addicts to……….JUST SAY NO ! What a joke !!!! If it was so damn simple to muster up some willpower to just say no, there would not be a prison full of addicts or a country wide opiate epidemic killing addicts every day!
The saddest thing ever is that there is ONE and only one Narcotics Anonymous Meeting on this Compound. One. And it is NOT mandatory for anyone to attend. So the Addicts here are NOT required to attend any meetings or learn about the disease concept of addiction and many of them have never even heard of the MIRACLE OF RECOVERY let alone HOW to GET CLEAN ! There are so so many with drug related charges and first time offenders who have been sentenced to many, many years and they have never ever been to treatment. They’ve never been taught that Addiction is a disease. All of us who have been given THE GIFT OF RECOVERY or better yet, A GIFT CALLED LIFE are SO VERY FORTUNATE. Gratitude. I have been shown gratitude. I’m on a mission to get the NA meeting to GROW HERE. The other bad thing is that the meeting is at the bottom of a very very long hill that the handicap must ride a van to get down and to get back up. So, the meeting is not conducive to the handicap attending because they have no way to get there or to get back to their unit. I have to see what I can do to get that changed. Also, there needs to be an H & I meeting in here………….that’s next.
When I walked into the meeting on Tuesday night I cried. I felt safe. That same safe feeling that I felt 34 years ago when I walked into my first NA meeting on the outside. I felt love, I felt fellowship, I felt compassion………I felt recovery. I’m not sure how to carry the message in here. I shared in the meeting that Narcotics Anonymous SAVED MY LIFE AND GAVE ME A LIFE. I wanted so badly to let them all know that if they NEVER KNEW OF A BETTER WAY OF LIFE THAT THERE IS ONE. That Narcotics Anonymous can give any addict a new way to live. That they have the opportunity to be freed from the bondage of active addiction.
My son said to me, “Mum, do what you know. Do what you believe works. Go back to what you know and to what you believe.” What a profound statement out of the mouth of babes. It’s usually one of my kids that wakes me up and grounds me with no intention to do so. I’m here for a reason. I don’t want to be here. I don’t like it here. My heart aches for my family and for my friends. But God has another plan and I’m going to stick around and find out what it is. He ALWAYS has a reason for what he does………….I trust and believe it’s all in my best interest.
I’m gonna hang on………..stay tuned for Week #2………………….
Don’t bail 5 minutes before the miracle happens……………………….